CHARITY
It is assuring to find that the true prophets of the Lord throughout history are remarkably consistent in their message. They consistently testify of Christ. They constantly cry repentence. And they invariably affirm that the ultimate essence of the gospel is a simple concept they call Charity.
But to say that Charity means to love one’s neighbor as one’s self seemingly puts Charity out of reach for the vast majority of us, who are competitive and selfish by nature. Fortunately, both Paul and Mormon were inspired to explain Charity in a way that makes it achievable for anyone, even without surrendering self-interest. Rather than define what Charity is, they gave us examples of what Charity does. Let’s consider Mormon’s version:
Guided by those twelve standards, one can approach virtually any situation or circumstance in life and react with Charity. But how does one remember so many diverse rules? Wouldn’t it be helpful if we could distill that wonderful, poetic expression down to something one could memorize and easily recall on a moment’s notice? Let’s consider Moroni’s formula line by line, not necessarily in the original order:
1. “Charity seeketh not her own.”
We all face choices between “seeking our own” interests, and looking out for the interests and needs of others. We can never totally escape the duties we owe to ourselves. But when we are entrusted with responsibility to care for others and their needs, as we all are, our conduct must be beyond reproach. Our stewardship for others’ needs must take priority over our own, and must be fulfilled with all honesty and integrity. We must be ready to devote our time and attention exclusively to our calling rather than seeking our own profit or honor at the cost of those whom we serve. We must show ourselves worthy of the trust placed upon us by and for others.
Christ, when put to the choice of saving his own life or saving ours, made that awesome choice as the Father knew he would. God trusted Him, and He failed not. We must follow that example.
In the course of our lives, the Lord entrusts to us the duty to serve and protect many different people—parents, spouses, children, friends, even strangers. If we love Him, we must feed his sheep. As shepherds of his sheep, we must be true. Especially with those choice spirits whom he entrusts to us as spouses and children, we must put their needs and interests ahead of our own. If one’s aspirations or desires conflict with those of a spouse, the Lord will watch anxiously to see if that person can be trusted to choose the course of sacrifice, rather than the path of pride.
Thus, Charity must be TRUSTWORTHY.
2. “Charity suffereth long.”
One of the things that most enriches our lives is the opportunity to have relationships. We all develop relationships. From time to time we relate to other people, to social institutions, to business connections, to political agencies, and so forth. Our most important relationships are within the walls of our own homes. Such relationships expand us; they define us; they add multiple dimensions to our life experience. Generally, they prove to be positive and rewarding, and something to be cherished, nurtured and preserved.
But every relationship has times of adversity. None is a continual bed of roses. Some are occasionally trying—some become almost insufferable. If a relationship is worth preserving for the mutual benefit of the parties involved, then it demands that we “suffer”, or endure, that pain without turning against that other person, even though we may perceive them as causing that pain. We must be loyal to our loved ones and valued relationships, regardless of the cost in personal suffering.
Our loyal Savior suffered patiently the failings and shortcomings of all people around him, not the least of whom were his disciples. And to us he holds out his hand continually, patiently, through the long years and decades of our lives, never giving up on us to the end. “Go thy way unto thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I will receive you.” So we should suffer quietly each other’s foibles and annoying habits, and even their abuse and unkindness, faithfully forgiving each other our offenses.
Thus, Charity must be LOYAL.
3. “Charity beareth all things.”
When Isaiah lay in the midst of his enrapturing vision of the Savior suffering for our sins, he was moved to exclaim, “He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”
The most glorious and divine trait of the character of Christ was his capacity, and his propensity, to suffer for others—to bear the suffering of others. In the midst of his own suffering, even on the cross, his only thought was to reach out to others in their suffering, and to try to lift their burdens, even though his own was nigh to unbearable. Like a mother who has lost a child, but thinks of nothing more than to help others who have lost theirs as well—we must help others bear their burdens of sorrow and suffering, most of all when we are suffering ourselves. When life becomes unbearable and our trials seem to be insurmountable, whether within the home or out in the world, the true test of our character is whether we are willing, even in our own suffering, to comfort and administer to those around us who also struggle with pain—whether we will bear their burdens as well as our own. When sorrows and trials befall a marriage, the foremost concern of either spouse should be the other’s comfort, not their own.
Thus, Charity must be HELPFUL.
4. “Charity is not puffed up.”
The longer we live, the more likely we are eventually to meet someone we detest. There is something about some people that virtually guarantees they will be unpopular. Odds are, it’s because they’re “puffed up”. They’re conceited, self-flattering, egotistical, arrogant, selfish, vain, pretentious, self-opinionated, pompous, ostentatious, inflated little jerks.
Our first reaction to such people often is, “Heaven forbid that I should treat people that way!” But how often the beam in our own eye keeps us from discerning the truth about others’ failings. Indeed, it is hard to live for long with someone we think of as being “puffed up” without developing a great desire to give them a taste of their own medicine. And we become the very thing we abhor.
In the hurly-burly of life, we must pay such persons as much regard as we owe our dearest friends. “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these, my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” In the Lord’s eyes, even the least of these—the least friendly, the least likeable, the least deserving, the least redeemable—were His brethren, and entitled to the same esteem we give to Him. God is no respecter of persons. Neither should we be. We must be equally generous in extending our friendship to all. And if, God forbid, a spouse or child or neighbor of ours should become “puffed-up”, then we must leave, if necessary, those whose company and fellowship we prefer, the “ninety and nine” if you will, go after that one who is lost, and reclaim him or her with friendship and love.
Thus, Charity is FRIENDLY.
5. “Charity is not easily provoked.”
The phrase “turn the other cheek” has become so cliché that it hardly rings true anymore. Does anyone really turn the other cheek these days? What kind of a wimpy, spineless, milquetoast person accepts physical or verbal abuse without some kind of response in kind?
Well, it certainly is a rare virtue, but it does exist. When the Freedom Riders of the civil rights movement in the South in the 1960s were arrested, jailed, beaten, beset by dogs, tortured, even killed, they fought bigotry with tolerance. They countered hatred with brotherhood. They met virulence with courteousness. They followed the examples of Martin Luther King, Jr., Gandhi, and Christ, by refusing to take up physical weapons against their oppressors. Rather, they overcame with love.
That strategy still works. It works in commerce, it works in social relationships, it even works in politics. Most importantly, it works in our relationships with spouses, children, parents, and others that are close to us. Because of the high level of discipline and self-control that we all have to exercise in our public lives and affairs, we all tend to look at our home as a place where we can relax, let our guard down, and let our frustrations and emotions work themselves out. How easy it is to be confronted by a family member saying or doing things that are ill-considered and ill-mannered toward us, even abusive. People who wouldn’t think of being unkind to a stranger may nonetheless see nothing wrong with being grouchy, discourteous, tactless, disrespectful, rude, even mean, to loved ones.
When we are confronted with such treatment, perhaps only our own courteous reaction will save and preserve that relationship. Courteousness smoothes over the rough places in our lives. It makes brotherhood possible. Here’s another cliché: “Charity never fails.” Like Christ, we must be courteous to the Pontius Pilates in our lives.
Thus, Charity must be COURTEOUS.
6. “Charity is kind.”
So it is. Our oldest daughter, when she was about three or four years old, began to develop a high degree of wariness about adults. Occasionally, we would talk to her in advance about some adult who would be coming into her life—a babysitter, a visiting relative, a church leader, etc. And she had a simple test for knowing whether or not she should be worried. She would simply ask, “Is he nice to little kids?” That was all she needed to know. If this person was kind to little children, he had to be a good person.
How amazing it is that Christ applied the same standard. Anyone who offended or caused suffering to a child was so unworthy, it would have been better for that person never to have been born at all. Everyone recognized the truth in that. Who wouldn’t?
But in the Sermon on the Mount, the Saviour turned the tables on his audience. Yes, he said, how great it is that we are kind to children, to our neighbors, and to those we love. But can we be kind to our enemies, he asked. Oh, how much more difficult that is! No one blames us for reviling and persecuting our enemy. No one holds it against us for seeking revenge for injustices. Everyone does it. After all, that’s the way of the world. But it is not God’s way. It is not Jesus’s way.
Especially in our family, there is danger in adopting the attitude of the world. In many societies, the man of the house is the lord of the house, and is entitled to exercise dominion over all others. It is even his prerogative to abuse and mistreat his wife and children. Such a man will learn too late that in maltreating his family, he has crucified the Lord and put him to an open shame. He will never find exaltation.
Because Charity must be KIND.
There is great iniquity in the world. It would not be so but for the fact that iniquity is loved by so many. Iniquity is tempting. It temporarily satisfies many human needs. Iniquity is a way to satisfy physical appetites. It is a way to provide for material needs. It gives a temporary feeling of well-being. It offers an easy way to solve many problems.
But “wickedness never was happiness!” Iniquity separates us from God, and separation from God deprives us of the light and joy of being in the presence of our loving, supportive Father. Just as a child is sad when separated from his or her mortal father, isolation from our Father in Heaven has an impact on our spiritual emotions and well-being that we probably cannot truly understand.
But we know it is real. On the cross, after bearing the sorrows and grief for the sins of all mankind, what the Saviour suffered from perhaps the most, and what came as the greatest shock and surprise, was the final feeling that His Father had forsaken him. For once, he questioned. He questioned, but he didn’t rebel. He obeyed. His obedience was the only way for him to accomplish the work he was called to do for the benefit of all mankind. It was the only way for him to express by deeds the “pure love of Christ.” Iniquity would not have succeeded. But charity never fails.
Charity is OBEDIENT.
8. “Charity hopeth all things.”
In addition, there are analogous threats to our spiritual survival—hunger and thirst for the knowledge of the truth, exposure to the elements of sin and temptation, the spiritual diseases of immorality, dishonesty and injustice, and the war between obedience and rebellion against God that is waged in the hearts and minds of men.
As we battle against these influences daily in our families and in our individual lives, the degree to which we can succeed in our own progression as well as help others to succeed in theirs depends upon our attitude. A sorrowful, broken, defeated countenance does not give others the courage to fight on. No husband can help his wife and children bear the burdens of adversity, either physical or spiritual, if he is mentally overcome and defeated by his own trials.
Rather, he must face challenges with a positive attitude and a cheerful countenance. As the Saviour said to Joseph Smith in his darkest hour, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. . . . Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” We must have hope, and not sorrow.
Charity must be CHEERFUL.
9. “Charity envieth not.”
The last, but not least, of the ten great commandments given to Moses on the Mount was a divine warning not to envy each other. And well He should have warned us of that. Pride and Envy are the twin sisters of crass materialism. It is part of the nature of man to compete with his fellow-men. That instinct is part of the biological legacy of our mortal bodies. In the animal kingdom, individual organisms compete for limited resources, particularly food and shelter. As fleshly beings, it is in our nature to do the same.
But with “high intelligence”, we have raised that biological imperative to a fine art. People find ways to justify the hoarding of resources, creating classes of society. Self-esteem and individual satisfaction don’t stop at having sufficient for our needs; rather, people aren’t happy unless they have more than another. Its all about comparisons. Consequently, envy becomes a barrier to Charity. How can we seek for the success and well-being of others with the same degree of urgency and diligence as our own success and well-being if, at the same time, we are trying to exalt ourselves above others?
To truly adopt the attitude of Charity, one must be content with whatever is sufficient for one’s needs. To then devote one’s “surplus” to the support and assistance of others, rather than pursue the path of envy and pride, requires a talent for financial management. Both spouses in a marriage must unitedly pursue the virtues of honest work, wise management, and thrift.
Thus, Charity must be THRIFTY.
10. “Charity endureth all things.”
When Joseph Smith wrote a letter to Mr. Wentworth in 1842, for the purpose of providing him some information about the basic principles of the Church, one of the last things the Prophet told him was, “We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and we hope to be able to endure all things.”
What the Saints had endured to that point, in 1842, is staggering to think about. Although not all members of the Church had remained true, there were thousands who, without betraying their covenants or turning against the Prophet, had endured unbearable persecutions and hardships. They had been driven from their homes, robbed of their possessions, tortured and killed, and seen loved ones die from hunger, exposure, and disease. Their faith had been challenged by doubts, false doctrines, and apostasy at the highest levels of the Church. They had struggled with all the temptations that are the common lot of all men—pride, greed, immorality, dishonesty, and rebelliousness. But many had endured, and those same Saints still hoped to be able to endure whatever might befall them.
Thus, Charity must be BRAVE.
11. “Charity thinketh no evil.”
As a man thinketh, so is he. It is not just our deeds that determine our worthiness. Christ made it very clear in the Sermon on the Mount and at other times that our thoughts and attitudes are probably even more important to how we are judged. For example, actually committing adultery was punishable by stoning, but even looking on a woman lustfully was equally effective in depriving us of a place in the Kingdom of Heaven. And the fact that a person might perform all kinds of miracles and do all kinds of good works would not ensure him or her a place in the Celestial Kingdom if the thoughts and intents of his or her heart were evil.
But as servants of God, the need for clean hearts and minds is even more important because of how it affects our usefulness as instruments in his hands. Without clean minds and hearts, the Spirit is not with us; and without the Spirit, we can do no good for others. In the family, the presence of the Spirit is essential to the sacred roles of spouses and parents in supporting and nurturing each other and their children. The Spirit makes it possible for a couple to “one with each other” in all aspects of their lives. The Spirit gives us the inspiration we need to be aware of the needs of others, and how those needs can be met.
Therefore, Charity must be CLEAN.
Faith is a choice. Some say that because of the advancement of science and technology, with every passing year of discovery, it becomes harder and harder to believe all that the scriptures say about the history of the human race.
That may be so. But as long as honest people continue to put God’s commandments to the test and find that blessings really do follow from keeping those commandments, then people will continue to choose to believe. There will never come a day when obedience to the laws of God stops being the sure path to happiness. There will never come a day when honesty stops being the best policy. There will never come a day when Charity fails. Those and all other principles of the Gospel are eternal principles, and they will never have an end as long as the human race continues on the Earth.
So those who choose to enjoy the blessings that are the rewards for keeping those principles will continue to choose faith rather than disbelief. They will continue to worship and revere the God in Heaven who gave us those principles to live by. Without that reverence, and that faith, then all human enterprise would be reduced to a struggle for survival. We would revert to the law of the jungle. Man would have no purpose other than self-preservation, even at the cost of killing his own children.
Therefore, Charity must be REVERENT.
Charity is: Trustworthy
Loyal
Helpful
Friendly
Courteous
Kind
Obedient
Cheerful
Thrifty
Brave
Clean
Reverent.
Lary S. Larson
Christmas, 2005
